But Not Today
by redandyellowmarshandmellow
Summary: Set during 'Abandon All Hope'*No Spoilers* Castiel thinks about his feelings towards Ellen while the photo is taken. Angst/Romance drabble set to lyrics 'You'll ask for me' by Tyler Hilton. I've not seen the episode yet so sorry for any inconsistencies.


Summary - Cas is still having trouble adjusting to life as an outcast, with the angels reputation among the hunters including Ellen, it seems he's caught in no man's land. Set before the culmination of events in 5x10 abandon all hope, as he watches her, drabble of his thoughts and hopes for the future that at the back of his mind he knows won't be realised. Set with song lyrics from 'You'll ask for me' by Tyler Hilton. I love this song and for some reason I could see Castiel when I listened to it. Also I love the Cas and Ellen Pairing!

Disclaimer - I own nothing guys! Supernatural is Kripke's and the lyrics are Tyler Hilton's.

But Not Today.

Castiel blinked at the camera pointing at the five, becoming six as Bobby wheeled himself back from the camera stand, as the small grey timer needle slowly ticked full circle. He stole a glance at the woman standing just to left, her light brown hair falling past her shoulders and framing her face in heavy waves. She stood with one shoulder forward so that the back of her shoulder just brushed his arm and he could smell her the spiciness of her shampoo.

'_We might get a chance to talk and talk might lead to dancing,_

_maybe dance might lead to dates, dates to aging._

_Well if this is love then it's hard to say_

_but the notes in your books and you're reaching away_

_and I've confidence issues with your intentions_

_And I'm not hip to all of your tricks_

_but your algebra your politics_

_and the band has planned a hotel intervention'_

He'd spent a lot of time thinking about Ellen Harvelle. Even paid her a couple of visits whenever he felt particularly lost. Visits she didn't know about exactly, and even though Dean had told him that randomly appearing around people with a flutter of wings and watching them when they didn't know, was creepy, he continued to come back. Even as Dean and he became closer friends, he still felt something Dean didn't understand. Something he didn't think Dean could understand. He could never be human, never blend into human life, barely hold a conversation without making some social etiquette slip-up or having some pop culture reference go straight over his head. On the other hand, he'd betrayed his family, for the right reason's or not, the other angels were his brothers, and they'd disowned him. He didn't regret his choices or actions, knowing he was doing right, but the loneliness he felt was almost unbearable at times, and he didn't know why, but it was those times when he'd find himself sitting at the back of a bar watching Ellen as she worked, researched, drank or hunted. He'd never spoken to her before today, heard about her only through Dean, Sam and even Bobby, asking the occasional question about her, what she liked and disliked, without drawing too much attention to his attraction to her. He didn't know what it was that drew him to her, but felt the pull tighten the more time he seemed to spend around her, and as his emotions sky rocketed his confidence became more and more lacking. He was afraid of her opinion of him, what he was, what he'd done. Castiel's gut instilled in him the supposition that she wouldn't see past the reputation he now regarded as 'not so' angelic.

'_I'm always here_

_I've walked you home_

_and headed for my own_

_until again I'm needed._

_Hope you let your intuition_

_precede my reputation_

_'cause I have one.'_

Castiel flicked his gaze quickly back to the camera, the silver timer almost up as Bobby rejoined the group.

"Anyway, I'm gonna need something to remember your sorry asses by." he mutter taking his place in front of Jo and Dean, Ellen at his right. Sam stepped up behind Castiel, on hand on the angel's shoulder and the other on his brother's. Castiel kept his gaze straight ahead.

"Bobby's right." He said. "Tomorrow we hunt the devil. This is our last night on earth."

Everyone else stayed completely silent as the timer ticked on for the last few seconds. Castiel felt Ellen's hand brush against his and without even thinking, slipped his hand into hers Knowing if they survived he'd take the leap and act. He stood up straight, shoulders back, as the flash exploded light over them.

'_Well I am what you see, I am not what they say_

_but if I turned out to be could you love me anyway?_

_I'm standing in anonymous hoping your heart_

_will just wake up and ask for me by name._

_Maybe someday will ask for me by name,_

_Just not today.'_

_

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NOTE_ - Thanks for reading guys, I hope you liked it. If you review, then you earn awesome points. :D


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